Yeah it is totally my fault. I absolutely could not turn my mind off this weekend and do what I was suppose to do. I am the queen of procrastination. Five things that I wanted to accomplish this weekend simply didn't happen. I wanted to go grocery shopping, exercise, finish unpacking, do the work that I brought home to do, and prepare for the week ahead.
Well I talked my self out of grocery shopping on Saturday because, I just didn't feel like it and I always go on Sundays. Do you know that on Sunday I didn't just go to one grocery store but three and was highly disappointed. NOTHING was on sale and everything was over priced and I refused to waste my money and since I was walking I decided to give up and just go home. I did purchase a few items, but it wasn't enough.
As far as exercising went I felt like I was going to do too much on Saturday that I wouldn't need to go. I also had to go back to my old apartment one last time and that ride is very draining. So after that I sat around and slept the day away. Because I feel asleep early I couldn't sleep that night and got a burst of energy to start putting more things away. I didn't take me long to get tired again so I didn't get that much done, but at least I did something.
Because of my consistent procrastination I needed to do some work this weekend which I told myself that I would get up real early this morning and
do it and go to the gym, yeah right. I ignored the clock and still didn't go to the gym. I’m kicking myself right now because I should have done one or the other, not neither. And my planning for the week didn't happen because I just couldn't figure out where to start. I had enough stuff to prepare dinner for the week. But after that I was lost and still didn't do that little bit.
Somewhere over the past month and a half I seem to have lost all of my skills. I simply can't remember what to do. What were the out lines of my workouts and what did I eat. I don't know! I have to go back to the basics, I remember that I was using the Burn the Fat Feed the Muscle
book by Tom Venuto. It is a long book but very informative and emphasizes the importance of making a plan tailored for you. I should get paid for that plug...lol. At one time I was logging in my foods religiously so I have to go back and review that. So this may be another week of just doing without direction, if I don't decide to turn up the fire at some point during the week.
Ok so I haven't been totally honest with the why behind my very uneventful weekend. My mind has totally been consumed with FB and me wanting to spend time with him and the worst part was my sitting by the phone waiting for him to call. Forever rolling through my mind the time we have spent together, do and/or why he wants to be with me, and what he sees in me, and then being mad at myself for caring so much.
I understand now why he said he doesn't want to be in a relationship because he does things at the spur of the moment. He stays out late, comes and goes when he wants to and doesn't want to answer to no one or have someone worry. One might say this is selfish, but then you can look at it as being up front. To give an example, I knew his guy friend was coming into town this weekend which meant he was going to be MIA. I knew this, but I was acting like he should at least call me once, or might want to hangout for a little bit, or at least send me a text, which he didn't so I got mad. Why? I don't know. I even talked to him briefly Saturday morning, so what is my problem? And he called me this morning, partially with an ulterior motive, but still a call none the less and told me about his weekend.
I know what my problem is; I want what ever we are to be something else. And what would that look like? What it is now plus a few more phone calls and the title girlfriend. Ok, I have admitted it, I just want the title. I want to be able to say that I have a boyfriend. I haven't had one in over six years and even then no one really knew. And I want to stop hearing "why don't you have a boyfriend" like it's by choice, and "oh you are a really nice person someone will came along". Ok I heard that one 45 lbs. ago, it's depressing. These statements are now prefaced with “You look good now” and then your choice of the previous statements.
Ok enough rambling. I know this is a fitness blog, but I have other things to say and I don't have enough time or enough to say to create a separate personal journal, so it all goes here. So I will try to start with the fitness stuff then you'll get all the rest. Later.