This morning was horrible. The subways that I take were really a mess and it took me 2 hours to get to work. But once again, that's not all. About 45 minutes into the trip I started to feel nauseous, then came the shakes, the cramping gas, and last but not lease the cold sweats. There was not were for me to go on this packed train so I see a spot on the floor that I could maybe fit into but I know I really can't I didn't lose that much weight...lol. So I just drop to my knees and a seat generously appears. I get so mad at myself for appearing to be weak and of course the tears are flowing, chest heaving due to the heavy breathing. And of course everyone is looking at me which makes me feel worse.

I get off when we finally get to a stop and strip out of my outer wear to get some air. My entire shirt is damp and I am still shaky. A feeling that stayed with me most of the day/ This is the second or third time the has happened to me, but not to this extreme and I always feel better as soon as I sit down or get off of the train. I know it partially has something to do with me not eating breakfast, but that can't totally be it because it would have happened everyday. I must go and see a doctor.

I'm afraid that I might be on my way to having diabetes. I'm definitely not an expert, but both my mom and dad have diabetes, these spells that I am having and the fact that my extremities are always cold like my blood isn't circulating properly. Yeah I know I'm being paranoid, but this scares me. I thought today what if something did happen. Who would they call? There is no one here that could drop what they are doing and come to my aid. But then I think of my family and I know that would drop what they were doing in be on their way in a heartbeat, 2 hour drive or not.

I don't know why this is making cry while I type this. I guess it is the thought of how blessed I am to have a family that loves me, cares about me, and will be there when I need them as I would do the same for them.

So where do I go from here? Eating better and more frequently through out the day to keep my blood sugar level. And of course exercise, both being the very things that I need to be doing anyway. I guess my body is saying if I won’t listen to reason then it will make me do what it wants…lol.