I really miss blogging, but I feel like I would be doing nothing but complaining and I want to be positive and make progress. Well that is very hard when you aren't trying hard enough. Since the year started I have been trying to get myself on track to no avail. I've been buying healthy food, but it goes bad before I eat it. I think about going to the gym all the time. Well mostly when I am at work, but of course I don't have gym clothes with me and the fire in me has died by the time I get home, and then I decide to go in the morning, but I roll over at the thought. It's not because I don't wake up. My husband's alarm clock goes off at 6am everyday, so it not that I can't get up I'd just rather turn over and go to sleep. I've come to the realization that I have to just do it whether I like it or not. If I give my self a choice I will 95% of the time select the wrong one.
I know I have many things to motivate me, but they just don't seem to be enough and if those aren't what is. The two biggest are that I want to lose weight before my husband and I start trying to get pregnant and the other is I've started dancing at church. It's called liturgical dance and I've been dying to do it ever since I started attending this church, but there is a long process that you must go through (more about that later). The dances have a lot of choreography and the latest one is killing me so much so that I die about two thirds of the way through the dance. I MUST build up my stamina. The leadership team is continually asking us why are we here. The answer is to praise God. I wanted to dance to feel free praising God through movement. I am a pretty up tight, but when I have choreography I feel free and when the song we are dancing to really hits home and I connect with the movement I feel that connection to God, its indescribable. But I really can't have that feeling if I'm huffing and puffing.
I just celebrated by 28th birthday yesterday and looking at the number makes me realized that I am still young even though I feel older. My current weight is 248 pounds even. I have NEVER weighed this much in my entire life. I REFUSE to allow myself to become 250 pounds or more. If I don't have a good enough reason, that is one by far is the largest. This can not be my life, I can not continue to feel this way, I must take control.
Labels: Dance, Mood, Starting Over