I need to tell myself that more often because when it comes to weights I don't think I have been pushing myself like I should. I honestly think my body thrives better when I focus on my weight training. I think lately I have been too focused on cardio to lose weight. I never stopped doing weights I just haven't made myself push harder. I do just enough, so my last two weight sessions I have done just that, push, and boy can I tell that I haven't been working out like I should.

So the scale has stalled a little bit but I am ok with that as I know that I have to get over that first hump when you are trying to build muscle I know it will go away soon. Not to mention that fact that I ate very bad Yesterday and the heavy food was still in my body this morning.

Speaking of food, I know I am my mother's child with this new obsession with making sweets. Yes, I know that I should not have them in my house but I couldn't resist. I had a taste for some bread pudding. I don't think I have had it since my grandmother passed away which has been about 7 years. I had my mother find her recipe. It was very relaxing especially when I got to mash the wet bread in my hands. I know I have had a lot on my mind these past couple of weeks it has all come out over the weekend between taking the long walk to the grocery store and cooking.

I was cracking up when my mom said that my grandma had a bit of a sweet tooth and that she put too much sugar in the recipe. I listened to my mom and didn't add as much, but Grandma knows best! I should have listened, it needs a little more sugar but it still came out good.

I went to church this yesterday in New York for the third time since I moved here (3 years). Shame on me. I say that because I grew up in the church and I even attended regularly through out college, but somehow when I got here I lost my mind. I didn't go wild or anything, but I haven't totally been me. I never went to church just because, I always left feeling better and not to mention the bonds that I made with people there. I missed it. Since the church is close enough to my apartment I know it will be seeing me again. Forgive me God for saying this, but do you know the best part is that I got home before noon. Don't act like yall don't know that at a black church you can stay there all day long...lol. This one has an 8:30am service and I didn't feel like I was missing out on a thing.

My sister is doing fine she is having a grave side service for the baby on Wednesday. She was telling me about the book mark that she made with the baby's foot print on it, his name, birth date, and a poem she made for him. I hope she will be alright, it seems as such.

I was informing my half sister of the service and all she could say was why was she doing this and that she never heard of anyone doing that before. I thought that was so callous. I don't care if I never heard of it before, but you go to be supportive. I think she would do the same thing if her son didn't make it. You would think having a child would make her understand. Maybe she never thought about that before and didn't realize how what she said came across.

I think that statement came across to me as it did because the first time I told her that the baby didn't make it she said she guess it was for the best because she didn't think that my sister was ready in the first place. First of all she doesn't talk or spend any real time with her to make that assessment. My sister is in her late twenties, well established, and in a committed relationship, while she on the other hand was 19 with a craptacular man as her baby father and just started college, and even now she still don't have things together. Granted she is about to finish her masters degree and is doing well now. She doesn't have a real job and never really have, so her situation is not any better.

I guess I am mad just because this is another example of me not being able to trust or rely on her when I need support granted it is not me, but this is her reaction. We are all sisters but it reminds me that we only have the same father and not much more. With my older brother and sister if any of us needed anything we know that we can rely on each other without question and I guess I wanted or expected to have the same relationship with her. I think this is the real issue. I guess I have enough family support.

Sorry for the sad rambling. I am hoping to start putting categories on my posts as a warning that they may not be weight loss related. But hey this is my blog, love it or leave. Thanks for listening, wait, reading...lol.