I haven't been able to sit down and write much. I've been writing the same post for the past two weeks. I know I need to just be okay with just writing a single paragraph when I am busy. Well again there seems to be a change going on in my life and I seem to be somewhat confused as to what to do. So you go back to what you know. This is true in everything in my life.
Starting with my fitness regimen in terms of both food and exercise. I bought and returned the Precision Nutrition program. Not because I didn't think it would work but because I think it is for people in another stage of their fitness life. I think it is for people who are far advanced, people who are trying to see themselves at optimal performance and looks. All that and I don't think I could really maintain a diet such as that one and lately I've been spending money like I'm rich, I'm not, so I sent it back. I feel bad doing stuff like that especially since it was material that looked like it could be copied. Oh well they gave me my money back so I'm okay.
Last week I went grocery shopping and I cooked dinner. This is a great start to the week. The only problem was I was in training for most of the week so I didn't bring my lunch and I had after work engagements that lead me to not eat my dinner. This week is different because I am at a different client, so things will be different, not slower, at least not for the first few days. Change is good. I plan to start going to the gym again next week as things should have slowed down by then. I may even go on Sunday after church to start out the cardio for the week.
Well speaking of church this is the other "what I know". I joined the church I have been going to for the past month and started their new member classes this past Saturday. It almost feels like I just became a Christian again, well considering I haven't been doing what I should have maybe it is. I need help calming my mind. It's always going to the point that in the middle of the night when I wake up it just start going so I can't get back to sleep. The exercise will help with this as I should sleep through the night more often. I just remember that when I was involved in the church my life seemed much simpler and that I could handle more.
The three main topics on my mind are Numero uno - Work, Relationships, and generally where do I fit in. Well for work I just have this unsettling feeling that people might be unhappy with my work but I'm not sure. No one has said anything to me. But they don't always say something. Not until the crap hits the fan. So the feeling is just me waiting for the ball to drop. It may never happen. I know this is also coming from me feeling like I'm not good enough. All I have to say is comparing yourself to others is not a good thing, it only makes you paranoid.
As far as relationships go I am in a serious need of close friends or simply people to hang out with. A boyfriend might be nice, but I still want other friends. The people I know are so far from me that I can't just go over and visit with or plan stuff with on the weekend. I feel bad because I hope to meet more people at the church. I know that is not why I should go but it is a nice by product. There are definitely a lot of people that are my age that most likely know that there are other things to do other than just going to clubs and bars. I like to dance, but when I'm alone, so those aren't my scenes.
And lastly, I'm having some sort of identity crisis. I feel like I just graduated from college but I haven't and I can't call my self old either. I feel like I'm caught in the middle. What tipped it off was this guy that just turned 20 tried to ask me out. And when I ask him how old he was I was floor because I considered him to be pretty close to me in age. And then my sister is planning a turning 30 trip for all of her friend next year, in which I'm invited to, but I'm not apart of that group either. Not to mention all of the friends that I have are either married, in serious relationships, or have kids. I can't relate.
Okay I'm really rambling here, but these things have been on my mind constantly, making me feel slightly worried or more anxious for change. I hope this nervousness/self inflicted stress doesn't make my hair start to fall out again.
Anywho speaking of hair I cut mine. Not drastic for the normal person, but very short for me. See pics below. I know I look crazy I was stopping anywhere to take pictures on my camera phone before the wind really got to me after I left the salon. Later guys.
