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In the past, I have searched the web for sites about people like me with a weight problem and how they over came their obstacles, but I did not find many where the person started out weighing over 150 pounds. So, I have decided to do my own and be my own motivation.
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Monday, August 6, 2007
I'm still moving people. I didn't eat too bad last week and I made it to the gym 4 times, so I'm happy. I know, I know, it could have been better but, I'm still trying. It doesn't help when you have a boyfriend who is making delicious desserts, not intentionally, to throw you off.

Last week he was trying to get rid of some left over fruit that was going to go bad soon. But to save them he turned them into scrumptious desserts. The first one being a blueberry and cherry pie and the other was an upside down peach cake with caramel sauce over the top. Evil I tell ya, but oh so good. I managed to be down over the weekend by almost a half a pound, so I can't complain.

I want to lose weight rapidly but I have to keep talking to myself in realistic terms.

The relationship with my boyfriend to me has been a short period of time even though we are about to hit the 6 month mark. Yesterday I was talking to him about how this girl I used to work with was dating this guy for maybe 2 months and then dumped him because she wasn't feeling him that much. My question was did she give it enough time. I didn't think so. So after talking about that my boyfriend said that he sometimes wonder if I really love him or do I just tolerate him.

This question kind of hurts me. I know where it comes from. When I get mad at him I have a tendency to withdraw myself. I will still be with him, but not talk as much. I do this because I know I'm getting mad over something simple, so I don't want to keep talking about it and make it into something bigger than it has to be. So I'm waiting to get over it.

I'll tell him later when I'm calm, but I feel by not talking about it I'm being mean. Or another part is when I point out things to him that irritate me. Again I feel like I'm being mean because I should care enough to keep it to myself.

We were in the car talking about this and as soon as he asked the question I started crying because this is one of my struggles; I don't know what to do to make him feel special like he always does for me. I ask him and he tells me that I don't have to do anything just be me. So when he asks the question it's like saying see I need to be doing something or he wouldn't feel this way or would question whether I love him or not.

I don't know why this is bothering me so much that it is making me cry while I'm typing this. He keeps telling me that he didn't mean to upset me, but it did, so now I'm trying to thing of things that I could do to make him not want to question what it is that I feel for him. I guess I know the other part is that I'm afraid that I will mess things up. I'll do something that will make him want to leave me. It's like the question is saying "see I told you so," as if my fears are being validated.

I was telling him that things are easier when you are by yourself. He agreed as there are so many things that you have to work out together, things you want you do, your schedules, it's just so much. But I don't want to be by myself, because I would be complaining about being alone again. Right now I have someone who really loves me and I can't imagine being able to find a replacement. Someone just like him. I think that he would always be my benchmark of the qualities that a boyfriend should have.

I don't want anyone else, even with all the things that he does that annoy me :) How do I make him see that?
Posted by Stacey @ 1:47 PM :: (0) comments
About Me
Name: Stacey
Home: Queens, New York
See my complete profile


Age: 27
Height: 5'7"
SW: 232 | CW: 232 | GW: 160
Plan: Semi Body-for-Life

Email: Special Lady

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