The gym saw me last night and this morning. Go me! I'm sure I'm going to pay for it this weekend. I felt good doing it so I hope I can keep it up. I told my boyfriend that his going to the gym is the reason why I started up again. He says my thought pattern is a$$ backwards, but if it gets me to the gym so be it.

I just don't want people to see us together with him looking all buff and sexy, while I'm next to him all round and squishy. I want him to be proud to have me on his arm. I've gained about 25lbs. since I met him, but it's almost like he hasn't noticed. He's only saying something now because he knows I'm unhappy with myself and that I should do something to change it if I am not happy. Last night I was calling myself fat and he told me that he would never call me that because he thinks I'm not.

I read to day on someone's website, I think diet girl. How we describe ourselves to other people. So, when other people do see us they are expecting to see big blobs, but in actuality we are not. So, is that what I am doing to myself, thinking that I am really big when I'm not? Nope, I think my comments are justified. Yes, I am not as high as I've been, but I have erased a lot of progress and I'm feeling fat.

But those feeling are leaving as I feel good going to the gym. I must keep going because it makes me feel better in my current state.