I took another blow yesterday. I didn't pass the exam that I had taken at the end of August. It really hurts this time. Why? Because this time I actually studied. I'm sure I will always believe that I didn't study enough. I missed it by 3 points. I think that hurt more than if I had missed it by a landslide. I'm hurt because it makes me feel like I'll never be good enough.
I'm very bad in the sense that I start beating myself up by compacting all of my disappointments together. I received a bad over all review at my job, I need to pass this exam if I am going to leave this firm, and I can't seem to lose a pound to save my life. I feel like such a failure. This is why I never told anyone when I would go and take an exam. First of all because I knew I had not studied properly and two, I wouldn't disappoint anyone. Now I have to tell everyone that I failed.
My boyfriend comes over and of course the water works begin again. He just does that to me sometimes. I think I'm done and seeing him look at me starts them again. With all that is going wrong I feel like I don't deserve to have anyone in my life right now. Maybe I'd might be more on track if he wasn't around. It is not his fault. It is I who never learned how to study or who won't spend the time. To be disciplined. I told him he should go and find someone else, because I will end up having to sell my butt on the streets.
I know I'm dramatic, but that is how I feel sometimes. It's not going to work out for me this time like everything else did. As if my luck has finally run out. I always knew it wasn't me, but everything just kept going my way.
I have to pass that exam before June, but according to my time plan it seems as if it is going to be impossible. I can NOT leave with out my license. I know this is just one part of 4 that I have failed, but it makes me not want to continue. I don't want to pay for it anymore.
I'm not doing too bad eating wise. I hit the gym last week 4 days, and I am aiming to do the same this week. I have had a few food stumbles, but hopefully that won't hinder me too much.
Thanks for listening.