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In the past, I have searched the web for sites about people like me with a weight problem and how they over came their obstacles, but I did not find many where the person started out weighing over 150 pounds. So, I have decided to do my own and be my own motivation.
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2007-10-03

Wednesday, October 3, 2007
I took another blow yesterday. I didn't pass the exam that I had taken at the end of August. It really hurts this time. Why? Because this time I actually studied. I'm sure I will always believe that I didn't study enough. I missed it by 3 points. I think that hurt more than if I had missed it by a landslide. I'm hurt because it makes me feel like I'll never be good enough.

I'm very bad in the sense that I start beating myself up by compacting all of my disappointments together. I received a bad over all review at my job, I need to pass this exam if I am going to leave this firm, and I can't seem to lose a pound to save my life. I feel like such a failure. This is why I never told anyone when I would go and take an exam. First of all because I knew I had not studied properly and two, I wouldn't disappoint anyone. Now I have to tell everyone that I failed.

My boyfriend comes over and of course the water works begin again. He just does that to me sometimes. I think I'm done and seeing him look at me starts them again. With all that is going wrong I feel like I don't deserve to have anyone in my life right now. Maybe I'd might be more on track if he wasn't around. It is not his fault. It is I who never learned how to study or who won't spend the time. To be disciplined. I told him he should go and find someone else, because I will end up having to sell my butt on the streets.

I know I'm dramatic, but that is how I feel sometimes. It's not going to work out for me this time like everything else did. As if my luck has finally run out. I always knew it wasn't me, but everything just kept going my way.

I have to pass that exam before June, but according to my time plan it seems as if it is going to be impossible. I can NOT leave with out my license. I know this is just one part of 4 that I have failed, but it makes me not want to continue. I don't want to pay for it anymore.

I'm not doing too bad eating wise. I hit the gym last week 4 days, and I am aiming to do the same this week. I have had a few food stumbles, but hopefully that won't hinder me too much.

Thanks for listening.
3 Comments:
  • At 10/04/2007 6:36 AM, Blogger smartypantz32 said…

    Sorry to hear about your exam! It always seems like everything goes bad all at the same time but chin up, it’ll get better, it always does. You’ve got to stop all that negative talk! You deserve to have a wonderful man in your life, you deserve to be happy! Hang in there….there is always a light at the end of the tunnel.

     
  • At 10/04/2007 1:38 PM, Blogger Special Lady said…

    Thanks Smarty!

    The part of me that was writing the this post was the overly emotional side of me.

    I'm normally a very rational person. Even behind all of the negative talk I know that things will get better.

    I'll make the better decisions, I'll try harder, or what ever else it will take. But, that usually happens tomorrow. Yesterday and even still today I feel a bit sad, I'll get over it.

    Thanks again!

     
  • At 10/10/2007 11:17 PM, Blogger R.E. said…

    Just an invitation to add your blog to Writing Healthy, a new top list focusing on motivation, healthy thoughts, and diet tips from bloggers across the web working on weight loss

    http://writinghealthy.gotop100.com/index.php

     
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About Me
Name: Stacey
Home: Queens, New York
See my complete profile

Stats:

Age: 27
Height: 5'7"
SW: 232 | CW: 232 | GW: 160
Plan: Semi Body-for-Life


Email: Special Lady

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