Starting over again. But I'm for real this time…lol. I have started back at the gym this past Saturday and have gone twice this week already. My eating has been good. I haven't been counting, but I have been making good choices. I got my hair braided this past weekend as well. This has always been a motivating factor for me because one of my biggest excuses is that my hair is suffering…lol. Honestly, gym day has always equalled bad hair day, so one way around it is to get braids. I very strapped for money, so for $200 I better be at the gym everyday.
Everything else has been going well. My job seems like something good will happen this year. I just hope it does. I don't think I can take another bad year. Or maybe it will be my push to do something better with my life. I am still working on the CPA exam. I have taken one part and I take the next two at the end of the each of next two months.
My boyfriend's mom asked me yesterday if I had passed the part I had taken or not. I didn't know yet, but I just don't want to tell her if I didn't pass. I don't want to feel like I'm letting someone down or that I am not good enough. His mom and step dad are scholars, and I am not. I just got lucky with accounting, but this test is no joke. This is the very reason why I don't tell people when I have something important like this because I don't want to feel bad if it doesn't happen. It's not for them is for me. So I can be happy or sad about my own achievements or disappointments.
This is the debate that I have in my head in regard to my own children. My mom never checked my homework or asked how I was doing in my classes. If the grade wasn't below a "D" she was okay. So then I look at myself I note that when I got to college I was striving to achieve good grades for myself not because someone else wanted me to. But on the flip side I wish I had someone who showed that they cared a little bit more, because then I could have been pushed to my potential in high school and could have received more scholarships to college. But then would it have been for me and would I have continued the patterns that I had learned?
I have to find a happy medium for my kids because I want for them to do well but to also learn how to things because it is something that will make themselves feel proud.
I'm way too far into my own head today.