Let me tell you these past couple of weeks haven't been good for my self esteem. For some reason I couldn't loose a pound to save my life. My weight has actually been increasing. Ughhh! At first I thought the scale (ok my body) just wasn't ready to release the weight, but then I started to gain. Then, I even tried to blame it on my braids, which at the most could only give me a quarter of a pound. So, I thought it is just a little muscle weigh gain. But noooo I continued to gain and almost 5lbs may I add. That 200 mark doesn't look and isn't that far away any more.

And on a side note, I was talking to my sister the other day and I made the comment that I don't ever want to be over 200lbs ever again. She said sarcastically "so what are you trying to say". Mind you she is now over 200lbs. I didn't want to make her feel bad, but I was really close to turning around and snap at her saying "Look you've been over 200lbs for less than a year, try being the for more than half of your life". Does she not understand that she has always been the thinner one? Even when she was starting to get big and we were taking a family photo that she didn't what to take her jacket off for, a tactful relative tried to make her feel better by saying what are you worried about your sister is fatter than you. Yeah I felt real good. Come to think of it I don't think she's a relative just a friend of my father's.

Anyway, this morning my weigh fever broke because I am back down to what I think is normal right now. The extra pounds are gone. That's the good news, the bad news is that I am right back where I started at the beginning of the month. On one hand I am proud of my achievement of seeing the majority of the days of January crossed out for going to the gym, but extremely upset that I have made no advances on the scale. Come one couldn't I have at least earned a one pound loss for effort? Of course not with the half attempts at eating right.

I will do good or pretty decent with my eating all day long, and then dinner comes and we have to order from somewhere. I try to make the healthiest choice, but it ends up not being such. The even bigger problem is wanting something sweet and I'm indulging myself saying that I have done good all day and it won't hurt, I'll just have a little bit. Not! I eat the whole thing all the time. So for me I can't have any dessert unless it is low fat, low calorie, and low in carbs…lol. The other problem is on the weekends not turning away from Wendy's as I pass it on the way home.

Overall I know that I'm not doing that bad, it could be much worse, and that I must stay motivated. I've been able to run for a longer period of time again. I'm up to 7 minutes right now. That may not seem like much, but it's big for me not being a runner at all. I let you in on how the rest of this week goes.