The last few days have been good hopefully I can keep it up. This weekend is my family reunion in Texas. I'm excited and sad at the same time because when they saw me last year I was about 20lbs. lighter. I wonder if they'll notice. HA! Of course they will. And then my mom will do they whole coy I wonder why and then the whole thing of "you know she has a boyfriend now". Ghee thanks Ma can I tell my own business. See it hasn't even happened yet and I'm already dreading it.
My sister and I are going to try to be good and make sure we exercise at some point. I don't think it will work out that way, so I am going to try and go tonight. I didn't go this morning because I stayed at J's last night. So in efforts to continue to feel good I am going, that is it, it is final. I'm trying to convince myself to not back out later, there are a lot of hours between now and then.
I laugh at myself because I want to spend time with J tonight before I go, but that means my mom will see me leave from my apartment to go and stay with him, so I feel weird. They are staying at my apartment again because we are leaving early in the morning and it was cheaper to fly from NY. So my mom is staying at my place. Again it is not that clean, but there are just not enough hours in a day to get everything done. I will clean the bathroom and put clean sheets on the bed that should be enough to get them through a few hours before we leave early in the morning.
Last night again I ruined a perfect night with J because I was mad at him for saying something that hurt my feelings and I know he said it on purpose. But when I finally told him what was bothering me he said that he didn't mean anything by it when I know he did. He tried to cover it up in a way that he could say that's not what I said, but what I told him what I heard never mentioning what he said he just said he was sorry and didn't mean it not that it wasn't what he said, so that lead me to believe that he did mean it.
I'm sure you are lost now...lol. He kept trying to apologize, but sometimes it just does not feel sincere like apologizing makes everything go away. What annoys me even more is how when he knows I'm upset he'll do things that would say to me that I'm still okay even if your mad it doesn't bother me, see I'm still having fun.
I always feel like I'm ruining a good night, but it is to show him how I feel and that you can't just brush it off with an I'm sorry. Even this morning when he finally stop saying that he didn't mean it, it made me feel better, but not enough to make me act as if nothing has happened. Maybe this is where I need to grow and just let the small things roll off my back. But then I don't want him to continue to disregard my feelings by thinking everything is okay. I don't know.
The man says he wants to marry me, but sometimes it makes me think how can you be so sure. He does a lot of things that can irritate me. Can I continue to let them go or just get over them? I don't know. Of course they are not big things so right now I say yes. But I definitely want to take my time to make sure I'm making the right decision.
I'm glad I just put "towards good health" in the title of my blog because you guys would say. That is not what I came here for. Ha ha. Metal health is important too. Later people.