So what has happened over the last few days, nothing. I some how managed to sleep through most of the weekend. I went to the gym on Saturday and after that I didn’t leave the house except for food. FB came over on Saturday with one of his friends visiting from Canada, so not only did we not get to talk like I wanted to, he didn’t stay very long. It was more of a see I’m still alive visit you don’t have to worry about me. And I have chosen not to, he’s a grown man.

Any who, I have changed the section of the CPA exam that I am studying for because I want to be able to get one, maybe two out of the way during this block of time and the fact that I have not been studying like I should. Passing this exam will be the greatest achievement above losing weight. It requires much more concentration and demonstration of skills that I sometimes think I don’t possess.

To study, what is that, how do you do that? I never really have. All through school I just made sure I went to class, paid attention, and took notes. When it was test time I would only review my notes briefly before class, and if necessary flip through the pages in the text book not covered in class if it was said that it would be on the test. This got me through college as well.

To have to remember this much information without attending a class is major. And having a set “study time” is very foreign to me. But in all honesty when I start feeling the fire get to close to my bum I buckle down. February will be here before I know it and I have to pass everything by then so I can keep the credit for the one I already passed.

I was beginning to tell myself it is one or the other, fitness or CPA, not both. I really need the discipline that fitness provides me so it has to be both. The other motivation is that I don’t want people seeing me gain weight. The truth behind that statement is that I saw someone yesterday that I haven’t seen in a few months or so and the first thing I noticed was that she gained weight. I almost didn’t recognize her. And the point of saying that was the first thing I thought of was she should work out with me. But then I thought how people must have viewed me. Especially the last time I gained all the weight I had lost back. I don’t want anyone to view me like that.

The other realization I had is that I am always checking out how other women look. Pointing out the skinny fat people, or the people I use to envy, but now I don’t think they’re all that, and then there’s people that I find to be beautiful but I never really noticed them before. Thin meant beautiful to me but now I am slowly trying to change that and focus more on health than just physical appearance.