Well I know it has been a long time, but I am trying to get back onto the wagon again.

The wedding was beautiful. I forgot a few things, but I'm not sure many people even notices. The day flew by so fast, but because of all of the warnings we received we made sure we ate the food we paid for...lol.

So I've gained about 27lbs. since the wedding. What's the reason you ask? Well I simply stopped everything again. I had my man, my beautiful wedding, what else could I ask for. Well now I know it should have been to maintain a healthy body.

I know I have to stop focusing so much on weight and more about being healthy and the weight will leave soon enough. I know that I always have, but it is really hard to start. I've been using sparkpeople to help me define and track healthy habits. But I still love my FitDay PC version, it has better metrics or at least the ones that I am use to.

I still have a lot of left over nutrisystem stuff so I believe I still will be eating it for the next two months. I don’t want to waste it. I thought about giving it to someone, but I would be upset if they didn’t use it properly especially because they didn’t have to pay for it. Is that wrong…lol.

I see my trainer again tomorrow. He was better this time when I didn’t call him. I guess he knows not to take it personally and that I was out of the country. I was in France by the way, it was nice. I have to have a talk with him, because I think he will be still focused on weight loss, but I really want to feel stronger.

I kind of miss working out with heavier weights and seeing how hard I can push myself. From what I remember about working out with him, I don’t have a way to measure progress, because we were doing so many different things. I’ll talk to him.

I really need to get back to where I was, I was a steady size 14 for the longest, now I feel that I might be a 20 squeezing into 18’s. I’m literally back at the beginning and I mean the very beginning, before I discovered the wonderful world of blogging and online support. I am going to say it. I am 230lbs. Okay it’s about 10lbs shy of the high, but around this is where I’ve spent most of my life. I didn’t like it then and I don’t want to now.

I will say I do have a different view of myself. Maybe because I still think sometimes I’m a size 14…lol. But then again, I know I am not as mean to myself and that everything goes wrong because I am fat. I’ve lived a little and have learned some things in the past 10 years. I know that being thin isn’t what going to make me completely happy. What happens is when you reach one goal that you think will make you happy another monster will pop up.

I know that now, my weight can’t make me happy, my husband can’t make me happy, the amount of money I make can’t make me happy, I need to just be happy and thankful to be me and be the best me.

Don’t ask me where all this is coming from, but I’m feeling it.

On another note, what prompted me to write is for some reason, by job no longer blocks blogger, so I am able to post. I not that is no excuse for not writing, but I do a lot at work, because when I go home, I do not want to even look at the computer.

Here’s to many more posts in the new year!