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In the past, I have searched the web for sites about people like me with a weight problem and how they over came their obstacles, but I did not find many where the person started out weighing over 150 pounds. So, I have decided to do my own and be my own motivation.
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2009-04-27

Disgusted!
Okay, right now I?m pretty disgusted with myself. I stepped on the scale this morning and weighed in at 237 pounds even. What is wrong with me? I thought I was feeling the fitness and healthy eating bug, but it has not been converted into actions. So, today I have to devise a new plan and one that means no more eating out or limit it to one meal a week. I must stop thinking so far into the future and focus on weekly goals. This means that I must be held accountable for everything that I do. My husband was in shock that he gained 8 lbs. in one week and I was unsympathetic, but now that I?ve gotten on the scale and can see that I?ve gained 5 in one week, we both have a problem.

Just yesterday I was telling him how much I hate to cook because we have such a small kitchen (I mean less than 1 square foot of counter space) and the fact that he doesn?t like my cooking. I say this because every time I do cook he will always add something to it without even tasting it. He says that he does it to everything. I always tell him to taste before he touches it, but he says that?s just what he does. So in my mind that makes me assume that he assumes that whatever I have done or anyone else for that matter hasn?t done enough to make the food taste good and that is very frustrating to me. The final frustrating part is cooking is a long process for me that I don?t like to do often. So if I make a meal that would normally last me 4 days is gone in 1 because he eats so much or takes if for lunch the next day. It almost seems as if he has a contest with himself how fast he can eat us out of house and home?lol. So, if I cook and it?s gone in a day I don?t feel like doing it again and would rather eat out.

I told him all of this yesterday. He says that he can change, and that I haven?t given him enough opportunities. I know I like to focus on me because adding someone else makes things harder. How can I focus on two when I can?t even get focused on one? So then the problem shifts to how he always think about everything in terms of us and ours, while I?m still about me. First of all most people who are married have been together a lot longer to work out those kinks. Technically we have been together for 2 years and 2 months and have been married for eight of those months. He?s never really been by himself to have anything called his own and has had people to do things for him. I on the other hand have been living by myself for 6 years and have had a lifetime of thinking of others because I?m not an only child like him. As an only child you don?t have to fight for what?s yours in a family or for you place, so we are coming from two different backgrounds.

And then somehow he got on the topic of children. He co-worker is 3 or 4 months pregnant and was married after us. I was in shock because they didn?t even make it to their one month anniversary. Then of course my husband thinks that everybody gets pregnant in their first year of marriage or at least the crazies in his circle does. Then I ask him how long were they together. Well in the specific case that brought up the subject they were together for 5 years, HUGE difference, and some of the others were around three. We are close to neither one of those markers. He?s willing to wait, but it annoys me that 2 or 3 instances can prove a theory for him and become law and that the only reason he is waiting is for me. Hell I?ll make him wait longer to be spiteful. Okay I know that?s not nice, but we really need to work out us, have time for us, and get use to living with us. And not to mention, have a house with a real kitchen in it. Let us handle the basics before we move on to the more complex problems.

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About Me
Name: Stacey
Home: Queens, New York
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Stats:

Age: 27
Height: 5'7"
SW: 232 | CW: 232 | GW: 160
Plan: Semi Body-for-Life


Email: Special Lady

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