I really don't know where to start. This post will definitely have to be a two parter because so much has happened over the last two and a half months. Well lets start from the beginning. I last posted that I was going on a trip with J to the Hamptons. Well that never happened. That Friday before we were suppose to leave, we stopped by the nursing home like place his grandmother was in since she had a mini stroke. J lived with her and pretty much took care of her and brought her where ever she needed to go, so he couldn't leave town without out checking in on her.

On our way up there we got a call that we needed to get there fast. I hadn't met her yet so I stayed down stairs. J came back down, to let me know that they were going to move her back to the hospital and that we were not able to go on the trip. He left but soon after he did I heard emergency calls over the loud speaker and then two seconds later J was running by me, his grandmother on a stretcher on their was to the hospital.

At first I didn't know what to do because I was like he just left me there, but then I remember that he said that his aunt was in the room. I asked the security guard to point her out if she came by. When I was pointed to her I called her name and she knew who I was and was happy to meet me, but not on these circumstances. Come to find out the emergency room was right behind the place.

As we were walking there I was praying that God would give J strength because I knew he was going to need it no matter what the outcome was. When we got there, J was filling out paper work and all I could see were tears streaming down his face. When he had finished he ran to his grandmother only to watch while they tried to revive her heart with the electric shock paddles and then call the time of death. He came back out to the waiting room almost in audible to say that she was gone.

I didn't know what to do, how to console someone, or to be with someone who is experiencing great pain. He sat in the corner while his aunt was trying to get him to talk to her, which we later found out was that she didn't hear what he said when he first came out, until she went to look for herself. He walked outside and I didn't follow. I felt so out of place, I had to keep fighting back tears because I couldn't bear looking at his hurt face or remembering what he looked like when he first came out. When he came back I sat next to him and held his hand. No words could come to me. I knew there was nothing that I could say that would take the pain away.

We were leaving the hospital and his aunt didn't want him to go home alone, so I told her that would stay with him. I've been pretty much living with him ever since.

The days to follow were weird for me, because I feel like I was around for much more than I girlfriend should be. I went with him to pick his mother up from the airport, she was going to drive all night to get here until someone talked some sense into her. I went with them to the hospital to have the arrangements made for his grandmother, I went to the funeral homes to see where they wanted to go, I helped them pick out a casket, I helped them clean the house to make it ready for visitors, and I took off work to attend the funeral with him. All these things I didn't have to do, but I wanted to be there to support him. Then later they kept saying I was such a big help, they were glad I was around, and were just thankful for me being there. All I could say was "what did I do?" I didn't do anything, I was just there. They said that was enough. Even today J says I amazed him by what I did. He tells me now that I allowed them to not wallow in sadness, but to tell all the good stories about her because I had never heard them. I allow them to reminisce on the good.

I basically met his entire family and they kept pointing out to each other whispering "hey did you see J's girlfriend", "who?", "her", "wow". I felt kind of weird, so I asked J why is everyone doing that, his explanation was that he never brought a girlfriend around his family, but I'm not sure, that's it…lol.

I know it sounds bad to have a best thing, but the best thing out of this whole experience was being about to spend time with his parents, both sets, both his mom and dad married other people. They are great people and I love his mom and step dad, they really talked to me and tried to get to know me. I guess this meant something to me because it showed they cared, that they are involved with their son's life. My mom would have never asked J questions. It's not because she doesn't care, but that is not how she is. Maybe I secretly wish my parents were other people.

So all if this happened right after the last post; I will continue the rest later. I must get some work done now.