Another day another dollar, but my dollar is getting smaller because I don’t get paid overtime. Last night was another long night, so I didn’t make it to the gym this morning. I think I might be able to go tonight, but I’m not sure I should because I also plan on going in the morning. Will that be too close together? What do you think? I’m not sure. I am so sore today from yesterday’s work out that I can’t walk right. I realized that I have been neglecting my lower body and not pushing like I should. I miss feeling the burn so I’ll try harder on all of my exercises.

Ok, here’s the story, this happened maybe a month or so ago, but I never wrote about it and it still bugs me a little. I use to work out with a personal trainer at the gym and on the days I didn’t meet up with him this other trainer would speak to me. Normally it would be just a hello, or that she sees the changes in me, or how good I looked (this weirded me out a little bit because I thought she was gay), but nothing more. I don’t know her name and she doesn’t know mine.

So, one morning I was about to leave the gym and this same trainer comes over to me in the locker room. She gives me this pitiful look and starts getting on me about how I need to change what I’m doing, and that I’ve gained weight because she can see it all in my hips and butt, and then proceeds to give me a one over dramatically scanning my body from front to back to the point where her face is almost level with my behind.

I went in to defensive mode because even though I had not been in the gym as much as I use to, I still managed to lose another 10 lbs since I had stopped seeing my training. I told this to her, and then finished packing my stuff up while she left the room. Then on my way out she tried to say keep up the good work.

I think she knew she offended me but I didn’t really get mad until I thought about what she said over and over again. First I thought what gives her the right to say anything to me when she doesn’t know me or know what’s going on in my life. The nerve of her! And then I replayed the way she looked at me over and over in my mind, I felt violated by the close inspection of my body. When I told my sister the story I tried to play it as though I was mad about how she looked at me because I thought she was gay. My sister stopped me in my tracks and says, “The reason why you’re mad isn’t because you think she’s gay, it’s because she said you gained weight.”

I thought about it, and of course my sister is right, I could care less about what she is. She doesn’t know how I have struggled with my weight all of my life and therefore she should not have said anything at all. Maybe she thought she was helping me, but for all she know I could have been bulimic at one point and could have sent me back into a binging period. She doesn’t know, I guess that’s why it upsets me.

Why am I writing about this now you say, I saw her at the gym yesterday and she tried to hold a conversation, but I couldn’t because I will always remember what she said. Maybe it’s really just me and I’m over analyzing the situation, which is more likely to be true. : )