Control what I can accept what I can't. This must be my new mantra. (I think I come up with a new one every month…lol) I can control what I eat, how I exercise, when I study, and the various other choices that I make. I can control what anybody does or say against me. I say this while I sit her at work thinking of what was really meant by things said. It will only drive me crazy.

Tonight is our Christmas party I don't plan on getting drunk, I don't think I ever plan to, but I will make sure I don't. I don't need to provide my co-workers with anymore funny stories. I feel like I'm becoming my old self and not wanting to be social. Ok at least not tonight. I don't feel like it, I think it is more that I don't feel like smiling in my co-workers faces, I'm beginning to feel like I am a joke to them. This may not be true but I don't feel like anyone's on my side anymore or a friend.

The odd thing is the guy who has been giving me this extra information, I don't trust him anymore. As an after thought I noticed he was glad to dish the dirt, but would want us to all get along. It's like one minute he was like yeah you're right, but probably in the next saying the same thing to the other girl. I feel like I let myself fall into a trap that I simply can get out of.

The Godly part of me tell me to be still, but then I hear my sister's voice telling me to be proactive in this situation because I don't know what the other girl has been feeding them (the managers). I guess I'm just really confused. I want to stop thinking/writing about this but it just doesn't feel like it is over. Well the good news is she should be gone from this client by mid February. And the guy is trying to get out before then. In my mind I'm thinking good-bye to both.

On another sour note my clothes are not fitting me so well, I am noticing a difference. Oh noooooooo! Lol. I must fight, da da da, for my right, da da da to beeeeeeeeeeee thin.