I've been in a mood lately that I haven't been able to shake. It seems as if everything is going wrong. I'm not studying enough, I'm not working enough, and I'm definitely gaining weight. This morning's official weight was 203.8lbs. I can't believe it. I went to the gym this morning and went to enter my weight and realized that it no longer began with a one. This is very depressing.

Yesterday was the worst of it I just couldn't seem to move. I need to fix this problem, but it seems like I have so many that I don't know where to start. I even thought my boyfriend didn't want to be around me, but he came by of course trying to make everything better by saying I'm not fat. Denial isn't the answer either.

Part of my solution was to stay at my apartment during the week, so I slept in my bed last night for the first time in weeks. It was weird having him there because he's so tall he looked out of place, but when we are at his house everything seems to be perfect.

I'm trying to think of changes that I can make to do better at everything, work, food, exercise, and studying. It seems as if I can't focus on any of them without sacrificing another.

Today was another new start. Not the usual start where I have everything planned but the start where I am trying to make more conscious decisions. I messed up a bit for lunch, but considering, it was better than what I have been doing.

I guess I have been away so long that the only readers I have are me and the random google searches. Again I will try to write more, which more likely than not means I'm at least moving in the right direction.